A choice to be made

If all we have been saying is true, then the only way in which I am going to find out who I really am, and who I am intended to become, is to get rightly related to the God who, in his loving purposes, knows my true identity and longs to impart that character to me which goes with that identity.

It does not mean that my earthly relationships, which may well give me some sense of identity, become unimportant. The family into which I was born and by which I was nurtured may, or may not, be a very important part of my life, depending on my childhood experiences. The country in which I have lived, or the race to which I belong, may mean much to me. I may have gained much in the way of identity from my work or profession, or from my friendships. My sexuality as a woman or a man may be an important part of who I am. However, in becoming a member of God's family I will find an identity that has a prior claim on who I am. In submitting to that claim, however, I will also find a greater depth to all my other relationships. I will also find a security in the knowledge of who I am that no one can take from me. David Hyman, of the Overseas Missionary Fellowship in Australia, says:

Our identity as Christians is in Christ. If it is not it must be in something else—our nationality, our family, our friends, our possessions, our job. When all these are removed we have nothing, unless we have our identity founded and fixed in Jesus.

How do you help someone find their identity whose experience is that of one graduate of the American School of Zurich? In a poem published in the alumni newsletter and quoted in Christianity Today, this student wrote:

I was born in Switzerland
I lived in Spain, Sweden, and Brazil
My dad's Swiss
My mom's American
I'm not Brazilian, Swiss, American, Spanish
I'm eighteen
I'm lost

One of the most helpful articles I have come across on the subject of homosexuality is 'Out of the closet and into chastity', an article by David C. Morrison in This Rock, July-August, 1994. I quote from it as it highlights the problems we face if we choose to define our identity primarily from anything else other than our relationship to Christ. David, a former practising homosexual, tells of his conversion to chastity through Catholicism's teaching on homosexuality, and the ministry of the Courage movement, providing a ministry of compassion for those in a similar situation.* He describes the view he had come to, after a decade of reflection, of the change in emphasis that takes place when someone moves from being a person with just a homosexual orientation, to being 'gay'. He writes:

If you are a Christian who has made this choice, I believe there is reason to examine your heart for evidence of idolatry. I have observed that once a person has made a decision that he is not merely homosexually orientated, but is gay, then orientation tends to be a dominant aspect of his identity, and everything else—society, faith, institutions, and even God—will be viewed and judged through that particular lens. Homosexual orientation is not a choice for most people, but being gay is, and it is this choice which motivates homosexual groups ranging from Dignity to Act Up.

Such a wrong understanding of our identity, I believe, is the source of these disastrous errors, because rooting ourselves in anything outside of Christ undermines our efforts at obedience or following him.

In a very thoughtful and sympathetic way, David tells how his own decision to make Christ the focus of his identity and to live in obedience to him, had led to his own inner freedom, growth and ministry, hinting at the long emotional struggle and sacrifice that this had involved. He says:

We are summoned, like the apostle Paul to pour ourselves out for the good of the Kingdom, sharing with many the talents and fruit which, had we been heterosexually oriented, we might have shared primarily with spouse and children.

He finishes his article by quoting from Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship:

And if we answer the call to discipleship, where will it lead us? What decisions and partings will it demand? To answer this question we will have to go to him, for only he knows the journey's end. But we do know it will be a road of boundless mercy. Discipleship means joy.

So a choice has to be made. Am I willing to commit my life and future to him who alone knows fully all that I am and all that I could become? He desires to give me all that he has planned, that identity in which alone I can find complete fulfilment. He suffered on Calvary to make it possible. The missionary statesman, Dr E. Stanley Jones said, "One does not know who he is until he knows whose he is."

There is a paradox running through the New Testament. Jesus said: "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:25). To find myself, I have to lose myself. To be free, I have to serve. To live, I have to die to my own self-centredness. But in handing my life over unreservedly to Jesus I find the beginning of a new adventure which will one day find its perfect fulfilment in his unclouded presence.

This may sound a difficult choice. But it is important to be aware of the consequences of not accepting what Jesus is offering, a missing out for all eternity of all the good that he had planned for me. The greater the love, the greater the sin of rejecting it. Indeed, R. S. Franks, in The Atonement, wrote:

Sin is the rejection of the Divine Love, alike as a standard of conduct and in its transforming power. There is no need to aggravate the weight of sin by bringing in any other extraneous considerations. Sin is only truly measured by the love which it rejects and refuses. It is failure to trust and obey God.

Joni Eareckson Tada has spent several decades in discomfort as a quadriplegic, through breaking her neck in a diving accident. Through her relationship to Christ, God has enabled her to have a worldwide ministry to others with similar afflictions. In her book Heaven: Your Real Home she writes:

Somewhere in my broken, paralysed body is the seed of what I shall become. The paralysis makes what I am to become all the more grand when you contrast atrophied, useless legs against the splendorous resurrected legs. I'm convinced that if there are mirrors in heaven (and why not?), the image I'll see will be unmistakably Joni. So much so, that it's not worth comparing...I will bear the likeness of Jesus, the man from heaven.

If all we have been talking about sounds a little strange to you and not part of your personal experience, and if you are still wrestling with the question of where you fit in to the whole scheme of things, you may wish to take the step of committing your life to Jesus. The identity he will reveal to you will be a divine original, not some cheap copy. You won't be disappointed. If this is a step you want to take, you may find it helpful to pray a prayer something like this:

God, I want to be that sort of person for which you created me. I accept that you know who I am, what my gifts are, how my life can count for something meaningful and lasting, and where I fit in to your forever family.

I accept that Jesus died on the cross for my sins to reconcile me to God, because of his great love for me. I thank him for that.

I am sorry for my sins. I repent of them. I now accept your forgiveness.

Come into my life and begin the process of moulding me into all you planned that I should be and directing me in the path you have chosen for me.

Give me the courage and strength to live worthily of your love and to follow wherever you lead, until that day when I shall stand in your presence and know all things fully as now I am known.

Amen.

If you do make this commitment, then begin to read through the New Testament and explore all those things that have now been given you in Christ. And as being a child of God is a family matter, find a church where you feel at home and get involved with some of your new brothers and sisters in Christ. Meditate often on the promises of God to his people. Your identity is now rooted in his unchangeable character, the one sure constant in this changing world.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you...for I am the Lord, your God...your Saviour."

(Isaiah 43:1-3)

(Luke 10:20)

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